Audience Script

Version 2.0

This is the audience participation script for the Anti-Opera’s version of Carmen using the 1984 film by Francesco Rosi. Props are in ALL CAPS and are included in the Survival Kit.

Opening bullfight:

“Well, that escalated quickly!”

“What’d ya expect? An opera with a happy beginning?”

“Someone get this bull a Gatorade!”

“Cleanup in the meat department.”

Overture begins:

“Testicles for dinner!”

Penitents march:

Rattle CHAINS. (scene)

Offer a tissue to the weeping madonna.

Sur la place, chacun passe:

Put a FLOWER in hair when the women buy their flowers. (scene)

After Micaela runs and Morales sings Reprenous notre passe-temps/Et regardons passer les gens, ask “What else did you have in mind?” (scene)

Avec garde montante:

Play KAZOO with ta ra ta ta, ta ra ta ta parts. (scene)

L’amour est un oiseau rebelle:

Throw a BIRD when she sings of bird. (scene)

Salute the fellow in the patchwork pants as “Danny DeVitez.” (scene)

Clap the dance rhythm as the crowd does. (scene)

Carmen throws the flower at Jose:

Cry “Copper!” and throw FLOWER. (scene)

Parle-moi de ma mere:

At Un baiser pour son fils, “Baisez-toi!” (scene)

Jose kisses Micaela’s cheek: “Get a room!” (scene) And then throw a TISSUE to Micaela with “And get a kleenex!”

When the fly appears on Jose, menace with your FLYSWATTER. (scene)

In the tobacco factory:

Seeing the babies, “Get those babies back to work!” (scene)

Tra la la, coupe moi:

When Carmen sings coupe moi, snip the SCISSORS at her. (scene)

Pres de ramparts de Seville:

From your WINE GLASS drink (manzanilla if available). (scene)

At Mais c’est assez pour une bohemienne, “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me!” (scene)

Gasp loudly at the kiss. (scene)

Les tringles des sistres tintaient:

Warn the little girl dancing on the table to stop looking at the camera. (scene)

Clap with the crowd. (scene)

When Carmen dances on the table, cry “Vogue!” and strike a pose. (scene)

Tavern scene:

When Carmen removes her shoes, “Don’t take your shoes off on the bar, please.” (scene)

Lillas Pastia throws everyone out: “It’s 9 PM, it’s Santa Fe, we’re closing.” (scene)

Vivat, vivat Escamillo:

“Evviva!” (scene)

post-Toreador Song:

After Escamillo promises a killed bull to Carmen: “Wow, what a compliment.”

Je vais dancer:

Get out the CASTANET and click along. (scene)

La fleur que tu m’avais jetee:

Throw a FLOWER at the first line. (scene)

Carmen throws out Jose:

As she grabs his things, “Take your gun and dodge bullets somewhere else!” (scene)

End of Act II (ZUNIGA tied up):

“Now you done fucked up.” (scene)

Gypsies crawling on the ridge:

“See you next faaaall!” (scene)

Melons! Coupons!:

Draw out your CARDS. (scene)

As Carmen laments, pour tous les deux, la mort, scold her: “Spoilers!” (scene)

At Carmen’s line, Méle et coupe sans peur, use the SCISSORS to cut a CARD in pieces. (scene)

Dancaire announces the excise men:

SLIDE WHISTLE as the ladies are helped onto the horses. (scene)

After Micaela’s Song:

Take the PAPER BAG and inflate it while Don Jose sits. Pinch it shut. (scene)

When the gypsies shoot at Escamillo, pop the PAPER BAG. (scene)

The Knife Fight:

(scene) [At the first Anti-Opera, as the audience menaced with their skewer-swords, an audience member spontaneously ran up and began to fight the hostess with the skewer. The hostess had her skewer knocked from her hand at about the same moment Escamillo flattened Jose. (scene) A few moments later the hostess retrieved her skewer and chased down the audience member for a rematch, singing along with the lines: Mettez-vous en garde et veillez sur vous! Mettez-vous en garde et veillez sur vous! (scene)]

After the knife fight:

As Carmen separates them, “No way, Jose!” (scene)

When Escamillo invites them to the bullfight, “Keep the scene alive!” (scene)

A line after his invitation, “He’ll give 10% off on merch.” (scene)

Micaela confrontation:

At the image of Carmen tilting her head, “Who dis bitch?” (scene)

When Jose speaks of la chaine qui nous lie, rattle the CHAIN. (scene)

Repeat at Micaela’s following line, cette chaine qui te lie &c.

When the debris is visible on Jose’s clothing, cry “Someone needs a lint roller.” (scene)

Toreador en garde, reprise:

Sing along. (scene)

ACT TWO OPENING:

Click your CASTANETS as the picadors hit their practice target.

When Escamillo before the altar is crossing himself, cry “And God said to change your clothes.” (scene)

A dos cuartos:

At the first Voyez! A dos cuartos señoras et caballeros, cry “Use discount code toreador50!” (scene)

Les voici! Voici la quadrille:

Clap along with the tune that everyone wants to clap with.

As the children sing a bas l’alguazil, cry “Fuck tha po-leece!” (scene)

When the quadrille begins, use your KAZOOS to play along. (scene)

When Escamillo arrives, after the customary “The party has arrived” add “And he changed his clothes.”

Escamillo begins the bullfight

Give an “Olé!” with the crowd.

C’est toi?

When Jose says C’est moi, reply “Olé!” (scene)

As they begin to sing together, Carmen il est temps encore &c. lift the PAPER HEART over your head. (scene)

When Carmen says non, non, je ne t’aime plus, rip the PAPER HEART in two. (scene) 

When Carmen removes and tosses her ring, throw your RING. (scene)

When the women mourn Carmen, get out your TISSUES and loudly weep “BOO HOO!” along with them. If possible throw yourself on the floor in your tremendous display of grief. (scene)